Today is Aidan's birthday.  His nineteenth birthday.  The day confronts me with my many selves, one of which is father of a disabled child and another of which is father of a child passed away.  The past infuses the present, my various selves (and there are many others besides) collide in sadness and joy…

This weekend I traveled to my thrity-fifth high school reunuion (and glimpsed a shadow of yet another self).  On the ride there I listened to the sound track to the show Spring Awakenings.  One of the songs is paraticularly apt for today, and the past few days, as it is a meditation on loss and grief and going on with life.  "Those You've Known" is a haunting tune.  The lyrics start out sad, a young man grieving the death of his friends, contemplating taking his own life.  But it comes around to a resolution to live.  And that resolution is built upon carrying forth the thoughts of those we've known.  These lines capture that purpose:

Now they'll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won't let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars

I'll walk now with them
I'll call on their names
And I'll see their thoughts are known
Not gone, not gone

They walk with my heart, not gone
And I'll never let them go, not gone
I'll never let them go, not gone
I'll never let them go

That pretty much sums up this day for me: I'll see his thoughts known, I'll read his dreams to the stars…

Here's the song, and below the fold the complete lyrics of the song:

[MORITZ]
Those you’ve known and lost still walk behind you
All alone, they linger till they find you
Without them, the world grows dark around you
And nothing is the same until you know that they have found you

[WENDLA]
Those you’ve pained may carry that still with them
All the same, they whisper “all forgiven”
Still your heart says their shadows bring the starlight
And everything you’ve ever been is still there in the dark night

[MORITZ/WENDLA]
Though you know you’ve left them far behind/And the northern wind blows
You walk on by yourself and not with them/The sorrows, your heart goes
Still you know they fill your heart and mind/There are those who still know
When you say there’s a way through this/They’re still home, we’re still home

[MORITZ and WENDLA]
Those you’ve known and lost still walk behind you
All alone, their song still seems to find you
They call you, as if you knew their longing
They whistle through the lonely wind, the long blue shadows falling

[MELCHIOR]
All alone, but still I hear their yearning
Through the dark, the moon alone there burning
The stars, too, they tell of spring returning
And summer with another wind that no one yet has known

Trio:

[MORITZ]
Though you know there’s so much more to find
Another dream, another love you’ll hold
Still you know to trust your own true mind
And on your way, I’m not alone

[MELCHIOR]
They call me, through all things
Night’s falling, but somehow on I go
You watch me, just watch me
I’m calling, through longing

[WENDLA]
The northern wind blows
The sorrows, your heart’s known
I believe
They’re still home, we’re still home

[MELCHIOR]
Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars
I’ll walk now with them
I’ll call on their names
And I’ll see their thoughts are known
Not gone
Not gone
They walk with my heart
[WENDLA] Not gone
And I’ll never let them go
[WENDLA] Not gone
I’ll never let them go
[WENDLA] Not gone
I’ll never let them go

You watch me
Just watch me
I’m calling
I’m calling and one day all will know